FAX SENT

I'm faxing things RIGHT NOW. No lie! I can't believe it myself. I just can't. I...I don't trust myself...


So this is MY blog. I figure I need to be the MOST honest in MY blog so that everyone who reads it hears the REST of the story. So if I offend anyone with my posts, I'm definitely not apologizing. This is a compilation of all the stuff, ALL the STUFF, that flops into my head. Here we go. Watch out.


So today...what did I DO?? Woke up, something about...eating...BREAKFAST. I ate breakfast. Next, I did some other stuff. I refuse to continue as such, because "what I did today" blogs are boring. But...nothing else is coming to my brain. I...can't...HEY. HEY YOU. STOP.

Fuck, I'm just typing words now. Tangents not happening today. Stop reading. It's not interesting at all. Not that I want it to be, but it's not what I want! It's you, the consumer. The one who eats all my words; that's who counts. I heard something of mild and bland interest today. It's about sex!

Apparently the average man, on average, has sex once a week. And also apparently, if you can double that amount (sex once every 3.5 days) you increase your life expectancy by three years! Incredible, is it not? So I devised a foolproof scheme! My newfound plan is to have sex EVERY DAY in college, either with one chick or a platter of lovely ladies (and some not so lovely) and in doing so I will live forever. Personally, I'd prefer the one chick, cuz love and immortality go hand in hand in my mind. Sure, thousands of women would be quite appealing, but hey, not only is that a shallow and listless life, you also negate the immortality with STD's and Herpes. I should diagram this thought more clearly. If we look at the percentage of people with STD's (I googled it and found that 1 in every 4 teens contracts an STD each year) The equation would look like this (going off a yearly scale):

Where x = years of living
and y = number of sexy times
and w = women you sexy time



x = 65 + (365y - 1/4w)



That's not right at all. But dammit I stopped at algebra II and this is some advanced trig shit. You think I have thyme for that? You're sadly mistaken.

EDIT: I revised the equation...it COULD be right, assuming that an STD only takes off years equal to the number of women you slept with to GET the disease, which isn't true under most circumstances. But dammit, for me it is!

Well either way, I'm statistically screwed.


...HAH PUN!!